The question of whether there is a male-female friendship comes back as regularly as the boomerang and as intrusive as the need to fill out tax returns.
Most often, everyone has already developed an answer SharekAlomre.com whether it is possible, examples and studied rhetorical devices. But let’s start with the facts.
Is there a male-female friendship? In theory, yes
Helen Fisher, the most famous cultural anthropologist dealing with the topic of love, believes that one of the basic criteria of sexual interest is secrecy. When it is lacking, we do not perceive other people in a sexual context.
Helen Fisher in the book “Why do we love?” describes the case of an Israeli kibbutz in which children from different families lived in the same house. As children, they bathed together, lay next to each other, and touched without any embarrassment. Teenagers, they showed strong brotherly-sister relationships with each other. As adults, they all found partners outside of their environment. Not a single marriage arose among these people!
Fisher believes this is due to the same phenomenon that is also seen in many other animal species. It is an aversion to close family and well-known individuals. All species strive to diversify the genetic pool, because differentiated genes reduce the risk of birth defects and promote better adaptation. For this reason, animals that live in groups usually look for mates from a distant area.
Even if you don’t feel particularly animal, humans are made up of the same evolutionary mechanisms. This, in turn, means that you can be friends with people you SharekAlomre have known for years and it does not have to arouse emotions.
Is there a male-female friendship in practice?
Friendship between a man and a woman is possible. I have friends who function in long-term sex-mixed “bundles” that are not shaken by romantic scandals and no one even thinks of starting dating with each other.
The problem is that this is a rare occurrence. We don’t usually grow up in Israeli kibbutzim. We don’t know too many people from the cradle, and even if we do, we don’t have enough close relationships with them that, as children, we run around naked with us, take a bath and sleep next to each other.
Male-female friendships most often arise in the period of maturity and most often it is a friendship of only one of the parties. In the same situation, the other person would often give a lot to turn this “friendship” into a relationship.
On the surface, such a relationship is as hopeless as the comedies with Karolak, but it benefits both sides. To one side, he gives a person he can absolutely rely on. The other side is sitting on the bench but hopes to jump from friend to partner someday.
After all, this happens all the time in romantic comedies. Maybe it will also be like that with her? (Spoiler: It won’t.)
Should your partner’s friendship with someone of the opposite sex be a cause for concern?
Do you know why so many people simply hate friends of the opposite sex of their partners? Because it senses that there is a bottom line there. They seem insincere to them. Suspect them of plotting against their relationship. They treat them as their competition.
Most of the time I hear it from female readers who say, “She’s definitely interested in him! Why is he dating her even though he has me? ”.
And I understand it a bit, because love should come first, and another woman in a man’s life (or a friend in a woman’s life) who knows him much better than you, is a competition. But it’s also hard to expect that someone entering into a relationship will immediately abandon their friends, although with their shared memories, you could wallpaper half of the apartment. In fact, I think that he shouldn’t even do it (and certainly not without thinking). After all, friendships are relationships that are often more durable than affectionate confessions: “We will always be together”.
Therefore, in such a situation, I always answer the same:
– You are probably right, but look at one fact. They have known each other for years and so far nothing has happened between them. If he wanted to be with her, he would have been with her long before he met you. But he didn’t choose her. He chose to be with you. His “friend” should be more sympathetic than jealous of her.
I’m not saying this to comfort someone. I say this because love is one of the few moments in which people, seeing a chance for happiness, do not experience dilemmas. They know who they like and who doesn’t, and if they don’t choose someone right away, they don’t change their mind later.
Worse is the situation when your partner has a friend who keeps him on the bench. It is also a safe situation. You are more likely to be threatened by a new person than by an existing friend who has classified your partner as a “friend.” Unfortunately in this case it leads to the unpleasant conclusion that you are not in his life number 1. You are somebody temporary. If your relationship were a job, there would be a sign “Girlfriend” on your desk.
If you feel that this is the case then you need to explain it with the other person. Nobody should take hours to put themselves in such a situation.
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The third type of friendship between a man and a woman
Male-female friendship can exist in a pure form, when both people have known each other for years and cannot look at each other differently than at their friends.
The second type is friendship, which is a cover for one-sided crush on one side of the other that does not reciprocate.
There is also a third type that happens far too rarely – it is the friendship of people who are in a relationship with each other, but you can read about it in the text: “ It’s nice that you love each other, but are you friends? “.